Now that I'm an old codger, I'm given a weird pair of tests whenever I go to my doctor for my annual Medicare wellness exam. The first test has me write clock numbers on the inside of a circle and then draw clock hands for a given time. In the second test, I'm given three words to memorize and then asked to recall those words a few minutes later.

I'm always asked to draw 11:10 for the clock test, and I'm always given the words banana, chair, and sunrise for the word test. Do the people giving the tests believe that old codgers like me can't remember what they were asked to do the previous year? Next year, I think I'll write the clock numbers in binary, and for the words I'll say plantain, recliner, and daybreak.

I didn't know why I have been given these tests, so I did a little research. They are tests for dementia, but the tests I've been given have been done incorrectly. The word test is supposed to be done first, and the clock test is to be done only if I fail the word test. In addition, when I'm given the three words, I'm supposed to repeat them back three times right away and then once three minutes later. I've just been given the three words once and told to memorize them without being permitted to repeat them aloud. Perhaps the nurses who've given me the tests need to take these tests themselves.

One thing my research uncovered is that there are six groups containing three words each that are used in the word test. The first group is banana, chair, sunrise. My test givers are clearly lazy and select the first group. I'm tempted to memorize all six groups for next year. When the nurse gives me banana, chair, and sunrise, I'll request maybe the river, nation, finger group, though daughter, heaven, mountain is appealing too.

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Author: Flower Snark
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